Right Now in Alchemy This

From Listener Mail: Things go a little sideways when a man attempts to help and ultimately take control of an accident scene. A production office for a wrestling federation, wherein new names and characters are created and then cast. Getting an official sit down with the local Mafia don are as difficult as you might think… A plug for the members of Alchemy This performing LIVE on March 13th at Westside Comedy Theater.

The Gods Are Indeed Crazy; The Cruise Ship & The Dinghy; Fake Séance Brought To Justice

When the Gods from all known (and some not-so-much) history get together, all hell breaks loose… Ripped from the day’s headlines, Passengers on Empress of the Sea cruise ship spot a small boat in their path. Attempts are made in earnest to offer assistance, and fail most uniquely… Also ripped from news, A Law Passed In Canada to stop prosecuting those who fake witchcraft or conduct a séance for the sole purpose of financial gain, but here we wondered quite aloud what happened in the courtroom before the law was passed, and those accused had to defend themselves…

Cult Members in Purgatory; Public Library Porn Donation; Art Gallery Thieves Get on Shark Tank

We had some wonderful scene suggestions from fans this week: The alchemists are part of a cult, a cult that ends in a mass suicide pact. Once the deed is done, they get stuck in limbo and have to try and work out what unfinished business they have to take care of. In the meantime Satan & God try to persuade each of them to choose heaven or hell as their final resting place...A librarian has to field people's questions or their excuses for late fees...A crack shot team of art thieves break into a large art gallery. 

SPECIAL GUEST: Mark Gagliardi.

Family Gives a Stranger a Ride; Taping a Culinary TV Show Competition; New, Small Western Town's Saloon, Circa 1862

Two or these three storylines were inspired by listener mail: An odd, yet familiar family of five driving on a cross-country, summer vacation pick up a hitchhiker, Scott, and he makes the trip a tad more memorable... Competitive cooking TV shows are taken to a weird and wonderful low point, thankfully, and then we go hilariously meta in the podcast world... Kevin loves that scene in every wild west movie that takes place in the town saloon. As our alchemists stretch this particular realm to its breaking point, things get goofy as hell, don’t ya know.

Superheroes With Questionable Powers; Life in the Registrar’s Office; NASA Holds Interviews for the ISS, No Experience Necessary

From Your Listener Mail: If the superhero names Captain Critique, Soup-er Man, Keeper of the Rules, Pits & Palms or Daylights Savings Man don’t ring a bell, you’re not alone… The time to get to know them is now, and you’re welcome. The office of the Registrar fills up quickly with over-worked yet under-informed teachers, coaches without borders or rules, and one funding family who’s faces haunt the halls. NASA decides to open up the opportunity to be an astronauts and work on the International Space Station... Folks from all walks of life line up, and, oh-boy, are they all not qualified.

A Runaway Train; the Author of 'How to Murder Your Husband' Stands Trial; the New Lottery Winner's New Year’s Eve Party

In the first of three scenes, as a runaway train screams along the tracks, the crew do all they can to figure out how to save the passengers from harm’s way. Yeah, no, they don’t do all that well with the task at hand. Next up in scene two, we enter a courtroom, where a case is being argued to determine if, indeed, the famed author of “How to Murder Your Husband” has, in fact, murdered her husband. Surprisingly, all is not as it appears, and incompetence may just rule the day. Last up, we head to the new year’s eve party of a simple man, who’s family has turned up in record numbers. One needn’t wonder too long whether or not the reason for the historic party turnout coincides with the host having just won the country’s largest national lottery.

Late Night at Earl’s Diner; A Séance; Angel 2nd Class Gives an Afterlife Tour to New Arrivals

It may be late, but Earl’s Diner is full and the staff is in trouble… It’s a great turn out of characters, both on the floor and in the kitchen. Next up is a late night séance, led by renown psychic, Milton Chesequa. Not all present get the answers from the spirit world that they expected. There is an angel in heaven named Carl Swipeman, who’s yet to earn his wings. He’s a bit of a tour guide in the afterlife to the new arrivals, some of which don’t seem to belong. Or do they…? Additional bi-products of these goings on are “Adopt-A-Body,” and something we’re calling “Look Who’s Talking…”

Dating Apps Dates; Y2K comes to the White House and a Hollywood Hills Showbiz Party; Swat Team Rushes PETA for Reality TV

All of the scenes this week were taken from listener's emails. First up is a series of Dating App Dates that simply could not have gone worse. The second scene offers up alternative outcomes to the Y2K scare of 1999 New Years Eve - One at the White House and the other in the Hollywood Hills at the party of a showbiz big shot. Last up is offers a look at the inner workings of a SWAT team in the process of taking control of a house full of folks from PETA, all of which is for the taping of a reality tv pilot.

Gender-Sensitive Dating Game; A Fortune Teller; In the Weeds at Antonio’s

In our ever-changing, and gender-evolving world, it’s important to take another look at an otherwise classic, albeit clueless TV show like The Dating Game, so, we did. How much better would your life be if a real, honest-to-goodness fortune teller could lay it all out…? There’s the cutest little restaurant in SoHo, NY, and tonight we’re going to experience what makes it great for everyone but the staff, and how lives change because of it.

Consumer Electronics Convention, A Book Signing, Best Bank Teller Ever, and 'The Chicken Casino' the Book

A couple happily strolls the convention floor in Las Vegas, hoping to discover cutting edge consumer electronics. Instead, they are harassed and hustled by the least prepared salesmen in history. We then head to a book signing of an author who’s best days may be in the rear view mirror… Next is a trip to the bank where things go a little sideways for a sweet, caring bank teller. Hey, but what about a Chicken Casino…? It is what you think, but better.

Doctors and Dentists, Horror Film Set, A Cult, and A Man Called Tinko

The strange and/or mundane world of Doctors and Dentists is more than explored. Hell, it’s probed! Then it’s the set of an indie horror film shoot, where too much is shared. Next up is a cult recruitment effort on the sidewalk at Venice Beach, which leads to county lock-up, and ultimately a man you’ll not soon forget, named Tinko.

Halloween at the Meebles, Satan Ruled Out as Cause of Arkansas Flaming Pit, Grocery Store Manager in Timber Box, FL, Christian Bale: Hell and Back

Halloween is coming to the home of the Meeble’s, but they may not be ready. There’s a flaming pit in Arkansas, and after Satan is ruled out, the locals try to make sense of it. The management at the Kroger’s in Timber Box, Florida may not be ready for what’s coming to his store. A quick side trip to Hell allows us to check in on a few locals there, including Christian Bale.

Easter with the Family, Table Read for ‘The Hell You Say,’ Middle School’s Mamet play, Back Stage at Disney, Batman at Knotts, State Farm Picnic

A family gathers for an Easter dinner, and redefines the meaning of dysfunctional. All have gathered for a table read to kick off the 11th season of a sitcom called “The Hell You Say,” the stars of which started as preteens, and now, well, it’s just not cute anymore. Auditions are held at a middle school, and the drama teacher is looking for a real David Mamet flare. It just isn’t there, so she takes over the play herself. Backstage at Disneyland is where the cast members unwind on their brief breaks, and swap stories. A young fella dressed up as Batman shows up at Knotts Berry Farm, and changes folks perspective of who he really is. He also makes an appearance at a State Farm. Insurance, that is.

Press Secretary, Kushner Time, Russian Love, Elvis Chapel, Jennifer Lawrence Impersonator, Parole Board, The Therapist's Therapist

Yet another press secretary attempts to answer questions from those present, In another wing Jared Kushner meets with his attorney, Across town, A Russian rep secretly meets with an unofficial white house rep, Two couples have come to The Lil’ Elvis Chapel in Las Vegas to be wed, An agent to impersonators meets with his Elvis, his Elvis Costello and his Jennifer Lawrence, A parole hearing for three very different felons, and then The Therapist’s Therapist.









A Public Defender, His Honor, In-Flight Madness, Hunters and the Hunted, Heaven and Hell

A new Public Defender interviews her new potential clients; In the courtroom, a Judge attempts to make heads and/or tails out one of those client’s alleged crimes; On board a flight, we spend several surprising minutes with the passengers, a flight attendant and two pilots, as well as the passengers in all classes, which then leads us to a couple of FAA hearings, and then a quick trip to Heaven for the sentencing; An NRA lobbyist meets with several key members of congress, which leads to a gun shop, and ultimately to the forest for a peek at the life of the hunted animals….annnnnnnnd a quick return to Heaven. 

Replacing Zuckerberg, Motor Lodge and Honeymoon on the Boardwalk

Mark Zuckerberg has decided to step down, but wants to control who replaces him. Several people are stuck at a motor lodge, when a fella arrives for the night, and a Honeymoon couple stroll a boardwalk looking at the various wares.

The Concierge, A British Gang, A Cop’s Wake and The Reading of the Will

A Concierge at an upscale hotel goes WAY beyond the pale while fielding calls and dealing with guests. A gang has gathered in London, England, to discuss their next heist. Things go sideways real quick at the wake of a fallen officer. Same could be said during the reading of a wealthy man’s will…

The Third Thanksgiving, Mission to Mars and Where’s Jesus?

An Indigenous man and a White debate the ritual, then What could go wrong in space, I ask you, followed by Shortly after Christ has risen from the fateful cave, those pesky tourists come a callin’.

A Crime Scene, Peoria Live TV News, A Kidnapping and The Sequestered Jury

There’s been a murder at Turlah’s Diner, and two detectives try to solve this backwater mystery. Next it’s Live TV News from Peoria covering the murder, featuring Bobby Fly in the Sky,” followed by A Kidnapping at the Diner, and lastly A Jury decides the fate of the accused…

Introducing Alchemy This

Award-winning comedian Kevin Pollak has gathered five of his favorite, extraordinarily-talented improvisors. In each episode, he presents uniquely bizarre scenarios for he and them to hilariously bring to life.